ADHD can feel like you’re playing life on Hard Mode. Not just for those with ADHD — but for those closest to us. You may often feel like more of a parent or assistant than a partner. You may wonder if an ADHD diagnosis is being used as a crutch.
You may also wonder where — or even if — there's room to grow. This article will pop the hood on the ADHD mind and provide some clarity on how it works. We'll discuss which battles to fight, where to shift your strategies, and how to support your partner. We’ll also talk about your self-care — which is essential.
For the record, no formal diagnosis of ADHD is required here; just curiosity. This document is an opportunity to try on descriptions and ideas and see if anything fits. My advice is to scan through this and see what catches your attention. Trust your gut.
There is no one thing that makes ADHD. It’s a constellation of traits. As humans, we’re all subject to distraction, impulsivity, and feeling overwhelmed. ADHD hasn’t cornered the market on them; it just tends to dole them out in big, heaping portions.
It's common for folks to be pessimistic about ADHD. Often downright negative. ADHD also brings gifts. Superpowers, if you will. However, many people never learn to harness those superpowers. Regular schools don't teach us. The X-men had Xavier's School for the Gifted. At best, most of us have to build our own correspondence version. This is no mean feat.
These are challenges, to be sure. However, they’re not the real problems; they simply ratchet up the difficulty settings on life. To me, the bigger problems come along for the ride. They relate to self-esteem, anxiety, and fixed identity. None of these are set in stone — but they can be heavy all the same. Neurodiverse folks need love and support, we need systems, and we need to feel capable and competent.